Diaphanous Dreams of You

8th July 2008 ~ 11:45p.m. ~ Jeddah-Kuala Lumpur
Distance to destination - 6159 km
Flying over Al-Ain, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

This is it. The end. The events were not quite as dramatic as the words of course, but monumental nevertheless.

What felt like a lifetime away from home was in fact only a mere ten-month duration. I came to Saudi Arabia with my head amidst clouds of excitement and heart shrouded in dreams. Thinking of and expecting Arabian romance and adventure. Never once I thought or believed that my experience here would be less than perfect. I know... incredibly naive, but entirely true. For sure I did expect some unpleasantness, for this after all is a closed and rigid society. However, never once did I imagine that my time here would be largely unpleasant. So high were my expectations that looking forward to coming to this place was a serious understatement. Every single minute of wait steeped in impatience. On retrospection, I admit, it was sheer foolishness.

7th September 2007 - My first breath of desert air. I remember enthusing my appetence for an experience of life in a land of extremes. Were I to recount each and every experience, it would take too much of an effort. But still and all, I do have only this to say: Never again. While it is highly unlikely that I would ever work in the same university, for some reason that even I cannot comprehend, I might be tempted to return to the kingdom. As contradictory as it may sound, one has to admit that one can never be too sure of the future. But for now, never again.


9th July 2008 ~ 1:00a.m. ~ Jeddah-Kuala Lumpur
Distance to destination - 5113 km
Flying over Muscat, Oman (Gulf of Oman)

If someone asked if I had regretted my decision to live in Saudi Arabia (if only for a year), my perfect answer would have been a 'no'.

But honestly?

At times I wished that I had never even entertained the idea, let alone pursued it. Nevertheless, at times I loved it in Jeddah. I truly did. But sometimes, I was so driven up the damn proverbial wall that I would have done myself in had it not been for my faith. Life in Saudi Arabia was primarily one of frustration. I do so believe that trials come in their truest form in this monochromatic land.


9th July 2008 ~ 1:45a.m. ~ Jeddah-Kuala Lumpur
Distance to destination - 4559 km
Flying over the Arabian Sea

Air turbulence. Reminiscence of life before.

It has become strangely hard to recollect the difficulties I faced in Jeddah. Especially now with the prospect of home. Drawing nearer and nearer. But recalling the journey towards Saudi Arabia was inexplicably a lot easier. Then, tears were unexpectedly shed. Considering how desperate I was for an adventure, the despondence was astonishing. But yes. As the familiar landscape disappeared between floating clouds, I felt a deep sadness overwhelmed me.

I was scared. And apprehensive. Yet I was raring to go! I wanted to leave!

But why the sadness? Perhaps Malaysia is always home after all?


9th July 2008 ~ 3:10a.m. ~ Jeddah-Kuala Lumpur
Distance to destination - 3255 km
Flying over Hyderabad, India

Witnessing the sunrise as we travel eastward is a sight never to be forgotten!

Through the narrow window, I can see the sky transforming from pitch black velvet to deep, soft navy blue to translucent cerulean with a faint blush of rose in the horizon. And then suddenly, a bright strip of light breaks! Thereafter the sky turns into a delicate porcelain blue. As I look out of the window now, fluffy white clouds are drifting serenely beneath us.

I was surprisingly happy.

9th July 2008 ~ 4:30a.m. ~ Jeddah-Kuala Lumpur
Distance to destination - 2170 km
Flying over Bay of Bengal

We switched seat partners for a while earlier. As I sat with a friend, D (whilst husband was sitting with her daughter), we talked about the times we shared in Jeddah. Reiterating old times.

Oh, the drama of it all! Recounting the stories of events passed. Of eleven teachers from Malaysia. Out of that, five left on our own terms. One terminated. One involved in a scandal. One absconded. And the remaining three who have decided to brave another year. Oh, what a year we've had!

Both of D and I felt the same way about leaving. This year in the Mid East can be likened to life in an impenatrable bubble. Away from reality. And now, while on this plane, on the way back to reality, we realized that we missed that damn place! We have somehow attached ourselves to the very place that drained us dry. Which, if you think about it, is quite an irony. Or not.

Two hours and twenty-six minutes to KLIA. Ground zero. Reality awaits.

When we wanted to leave last year, we were full of anticipation. Likewise the way back.

Funny how circular life is.